I have decided that I am ready to become a healthy Woman, that’s right Woman. This might sound selfish and I have thought this many times because, I should be focused on my family and all the other obligations that I have. Well I think I have finally figured out that in order to BE a great Wife, Mother, and any thing else that might come my way, I have to take time for me. I am ready to become strong & healthy physically, emotionally, & spiritually and I am excited for the journey ahead.
As I have thought back through my life and when I thought I was most happy a few specific times came to mind. First was when I was a sophomore/junior in High school. I was very fit and active, always out with great friends. During that time I was not eating a lot and I was exercising all the time, but to me I was finally where I thought I wanted to be. I had many family members worried and concerned about the weight I was losing and my eating habits, but I would lie and say that everything was fine.
The second time I thought of, was when I was a senior. I had a boyfriend that I thought was wonderful, I was a cheerleader, had lots of friends, doing great in school, what more could a girl ask for. I no longer could keep my body going with the little amount of food I was putting in so I turned to bulimia. I would get to a game, performance, track meet, or whatever it might have been early so that I could eat without anyone seeing(usually in the locker room), after I was done I would head right into the restroom to purge almost everything that I had previously consumed. This was working quite well for me and it did for a long time. I graduated with honors, went to college, still had the same boyfriend and started putting on some weight. After another year almost two my boyfriend and I broke up. I wish I could have figured out sooner that the boyfriend that I loved really wasn’t Mr. wonderful(I'm sure he is for someone), but someone who found the weaknesses in me and used my low self esteem to his advantage. I am not saying that I was blameless in the relationship by any means but in hind sight I wish I would have taken the advice that I received from my parents, family members, friends, and even some of His family which was, He did not deserve me and that I could find someone much better that would respect me and treat me the way I should be treated.
As many girls do I gained and lost weight over the next few years, continued with my bulimia and then eventually moved to SLC. My parents purchased a condo for me and several roommates to rent out and it was a Fantastic place. I was always having people over, ward parties, and just a great time. Still my self esteem was so bad that I always turned to my eating disorder for comfort. Bulimia was my friend, I was very carful to hide my disorder and it wasn’t until I finally told my roommate that I was able to get help. I was able to get a great therapist at a Wonderful Eating Disorder Clinic in Orem. After 2 years of treatment I was finally in a really great place with myself, eating healthy, exercising a normal amount, and really loving who I was.
I found a great guy that I am married to, Graduated with my Bachelors, started having kids, and now here I am. In the past I have always come up with excuses for why I am not eating the best or exercising or why I gained the weight that I have. Time to be done with all the self-pity and throw it in the garbage and that is exactly what I am doing.
I have enrolled in a 10 week Boot camp for Women only, to give myself a boost to healthy living. I love that my family is 100% behind me. My sweet boys are always asking me about boot camp and when it starts and what I will be doing. Steve is a great support and knows that if I become healthy the whole family will become more healthy. I am most excited that I am finally doing this for me, not anyone else although in the long run it will benefit all those around me, but it starts with me!
